Learn the difference between safe adults and trusted adults
The phrases “safe adult” and “trusted adult” might seem like they have the same definition, but there is a difference.
Trusted adults
Trusted adults are often fundamental in a child’s life. They’re parents, grandparents, coaches, or teachers. Trusted adults play a critical part of a child’s life. But 90% of child abuse involves an adult a child knows, and statistically, this is a parent or close family member. A child may trust an adult, but that does not make the adult’s intentions appropriate. This is why we use the phrase “safe adult.”
Safe adults
Safe adults are those who children can come to if they feel hurt or in danger. Safe adults can — like “trusted adults” — be parents, grandparents, coaches, or teachers. The difference is sometimes kids have been hurt by a “trusted adult,” and rightfully, they no longer find the adult a trustworthy person. Children need many safe adults in their lives.
How to help children recognize safe adults
It’s important to teach children age-appropriate ways to protect themselves. Children who are abused often don’t understand what’s happening to them. They may not even know or have the vocabulary to explain or understand sexual abuse or other actions impacting their safety. You can help children understand who is a safe adult by teaching them the 5 Safety Rules for Children:
- My body belongs to me: Children are the “boss” of their bodies and have the right to refuse hugs, kisses, or touches from anyone.
- Private parts are private: Teach the correct names for private parts (those covered by a swimsuit) and that they should not be touched or looked at, except for health/safety reasons.
- Safe vs. unsafe touches: Safe touches make children feel safe and cared for; unsafe touches hurt or make them uncomfortable. Children should never keep secrets about touching, even if told to by an adult.
- Say “NO” and get away: Children have the right to say “no” to unwanted touching, uncomfortable situations, or if someone breaks these rules. They should move away immediately.
- Tell a safe adult: If a child feels unsafe or uncomfortable, they should tell a trusted adult (such as a parent, teacher, or counselor) until someone listens. It is never their fault.
How to be a safe adult
Safe adults help children feel safe. A safe adult helps children protect their personal space and physical safety. It’s important for children to have multiple safe adults in their life, and that they know who they can talk to at anytime, especially when they:
- Feel their body boundaries have been broken
- Experience anxiety or hurt about a situation, person or conversation
- Suspect a friend is being hurt
If you work around children or have children in your life, you might be a child’s safe adult without even knowing they think of you as one. If a child discloses abuse to you, here’s what you should know and do:
- Believe the child and be non-judgemental about what they’re telling you. Children rarely lie about something as serious as abuse.
- Tell them you believe them and that you’re going to help them by calling the Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-652-1999 in Nebraska or 1-800-362-2178 in Iowa. If it seems like an emergency, call 911.
Project Harmony can help
You are not alone in helping the children in your life, and you are not expected to be an expert. It’s advised that you leave the in-depth questioning to the professionals. Don’t try to investigate too far — it can cause confusion and scare young children, which makes it more difficult for them to talk with investigators.
But if you feel like you need to ask questions, focus on open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me about what happened?” Avoid overly specific questions like, “Did your dad hurt you?” You may not know who the child understands to be their “Dad,” for instance. Leave these kinds of conversations to professionals and treat it like the “crime scene” evidence it is.
If you suspect abuse, the first step is to call the Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-652-1999 in Nebraska or 1-800-362-2178 in Iowa. Here is what to expect when you report a potential case of child abuse.
Tips for parents
If you are a parent, you can ask your children about safe adults, too. You can help your child develop confidence in their safe adults by asking them who they might speak to if someone hurts them. Encourage them to have more than one safe adult in their life.
Parents can also help their child’s physical and emotional well-being by not forcing them to be around people they say make them uncomfortable, like a babysitter, other guardians, or even other children. According to the National Children’s Alliance, in 2024, 14% of abuse cases were reported as child-on-child abuse (in cases where the age of the alleged abuser was known).
Be prepared to help
We all have a shared responsibility to protect and support the children in our lives and community. One of the best ways is to be prepared to help is to request or enroll in an upcoming Child Abuse and Neglect 101 training course. This course prepares mandatory reporters with the knowledge and skills to recognize and report child abuse and neglect along with an overview of the different types of abuse and their prevalence in Nebraska.
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